Everything about him screamed your future.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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