Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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