My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
