Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
