I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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