at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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