no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
