dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
