Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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