Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
