Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
