I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
