I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
false alarm, still single
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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