if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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