I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
