I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
