she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
