so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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