True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
