I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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