i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
