Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
