All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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