its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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