when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
