we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
