I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
