i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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