He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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