i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
