I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
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He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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