420 ftw
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
