If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
