I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
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