marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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