Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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