Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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