Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
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Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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