Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
