If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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