he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am midnight drunk by noon
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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