okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
