btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so let's talk penis.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
