naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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