Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your cock deserves a montage
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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