when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
