all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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