Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
