does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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