So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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