You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
