sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
