tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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