Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
