am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
