I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
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You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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