i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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