Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
