My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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