I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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