she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
