Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
