Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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