i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
