Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
